Phew, I'm glad that's (pretty much) over!  After two weeks of the milk diet I've lost 15.5lbs which I'm really pleased with, the hospital booklet said to expect to lose up to a stone but I always have to go one step further.  This week was pretty difficult at times, I was craving food terribly and literally driving myself insane.  It's so frustrating knowing that no matter how hungry you are, you cannot eat any food.  I'm now really looking forward to the liquid stage of the post-op diet because at least I'll be able to have something other than milk and yogurt!  Yesterday I slipped up for the first time, I was extremely hungry and trying to make some meals to freeze for my husband while I'm in hospital.  I ended up tasting a bit of this and a bit of that, it culminated with me having a PB&J sandwich in the evening.  Guilt isn't the word but I'm not going to beat myself up about it, it's the only time I've had a blip.  Hopefully my liver is to the surgeons liking and I can be done keyhole.

Thursday's blood test went great, they got the vein first time, no pain whatsoever.  Today we went for a last coffee with my parents at Cafe Nero and then we went back to their house for a bit to spend time with them and the dogs.  On the way home I ended up breaking down in tears saying goodbye to my sister and had to hurry myself away into the house.  It was time for me to do the Fragmin injection so we went upstairs and I propped myself up on the bed and I sat hovering with the needle above my tummy for about half an hour.  Every time I went to inject it I backed out and couldn't do it.  It's totally not normal to hurt yourself and I swear my arm was seizing up when I went to put the needle in.  Eventually I got the courage up to ease the needle in, completely painless, and then slowly plunged the medicine and all was done.  I really worked myself up more than was necessary, it was absolutely nothing and I'm sure I could do it again. 

It's really strange knowing that tomorrow I won't be here at home, I'll be in hospital by myself.  I've never stayed anywhere by myself, ever.  I've said all along that I'm going to be brave and not cry but after today I'm not sure that I can keep that brave face on.  I'm scared, really scared, I don't know what to expect and I can't bear the thought of me not coming back to my family.  I need to hold it together.  This is the right thing to do for myself, for my future, it's just a shame that it's so difficult to do the right thing.  Next time I update I'll be on the other side, hopefully completely fine and well and on my way to a better way of life.  So, see you on the other side.

One week down, only one more week to go.  I've been weighing myself every day, against the advice of the dietician and my husband, and at one point this week I had lost 10lbs but now I'm down to 6.5lbs.  I guess it's nothing to sniff at, it's much better than putting on 6.5lbs and I can blame the fluctuation in weight on my period which is due this week.

The beginning of the week was hard in terms of actual hunger, my stomach was gnawing the whole time and nothing was satiating me.  By the third day the hunger was gone but the fantasizing about food is still very much there.  Any smells seem to be magnified, I'm not making Mark's lunch or dinners anymore because he feels it could be a temptation, everything he has made this week has smelled heavenly.  I can honestly say, hand on heart, that not a morsel of food has passed my lips all week, it has taken a monumental amount of willpower but I have done it, and I will continue to do it this week as well.  I know that this is important and I know that failure to do this could mean an open surgery or complications and I don't want that.

My daily allowance is three pints of milk and two low-calorie yoghurts.  I have not made the three pint target on any of the days, milk in large quantities is dreadfully sickening and it's almost as though your body is fighting against it and doesn't want to tolerate it any more.  I cut out the yogurts entirely until Saturday when I was in such a state we ended up going out and buying two trays of Muller light yoghurts.  It was a lovely day so we took two sporks from the salad counter in the store and sat at the abbey and had a little picnic together with our Muller light.  Honestly, the yoghurt could have been Ben & Jerry's for how wonderful it tasted.  So I'm soldiering on and trying to keep as active as possible to try and shift a few more pounds.

The hardest thing is not the whole 'not eating' thing, it's the fact that eating is such a large part of my life.  I make all our meals from scratch and it is so difficult to make a meal and know whether it is right without tasting it.  Living without the use of my taste is extremely frustrating.  I have just been trying to make meals as best I can and then having Mark taste-test for seasoning.  Then in the days where the hunger isn't an issue you start wondering whether you've accidentally eaten something and forgotten about it.  I even had a dream that I was doing the weekly shop, ate most of it and then realised I was on the diet, how weird is that?  I think this diet is harder for other people than it is for me.  People keep shying away with their food, refusing to talk about food at all and feel guilty if they do.  To be completely honest it doesn't bother me at all, I even get a little satisfaction out of watching people eat and talking about food.

I can't believe this time next week my operation should be complete.  Time has really crept up on me but I'm not nervous anymore, just excited.  I'm over the crest of the hill now, as far as the diet is concerned, and I'm on the home stretch.  I just need to keep focused and busy and then Monday will be here before I know it.  I've got a blood test on Thursday, I think it's for blood grouping in case I need a blood transfusion, my Fragmin injection on Sunday and then I need to be at the hospital at 7.30am on Monday.  I guess I'll need to pack my hospital bag soon.